• The Dead Patch of Grass

    The Dead Patch of Grass

    Do not walk across the lawn.

    Next to the infirmary in the village is a small lawn. Seldom-watered, isolated from brethren lawns by pavement, and not very pleasant to look at, the lawn existed unremarkably for the majority of its life. Now, thirty years since its origination, the lawn looks the same, its brown grass poking up in hairy patches between pools of dirt.

    A woman enters the infirmary carrying a parcel awkwardly in one arm. The door closes, quiet murmuring carries through the open window. After a while, she exits. Standing on the step, she leans against the post next to her, resting from the sun and heat. She breathes quietly, her mind turning over the ideas and plots of her quiet life in the country, impossibly small from the outside but desperately important to her and each of her neighbors. One of the store-owner’s children passes across the lane, her eyes vacantly follow him, unregistering. Still in a daze, she walks off the step towards the next house, lightly treading on the grass. Each step crunches a little with the weight of her sandals. “Oi, you’d best not be walking on there, and I’m serious about it!”. She snaps out of her funk and whirls around. The voice comes from a mustachioed man in his 60s or 70s, wobbling towards her with the help of his cane. Not much for conflict or sociality, she finds her face burning and turns it to the ground, as she replies, “Well no one’s ever said nothin’ before, so…”, and her voice trails off.

    Cider Season

    In the museum down on Main Street, past the entrances with the wand-waving officers, around the skeletons of dinosaurs who roam the Earth in a comatose state, past the Mayans and the Egyptians and the Romans and the kids who feel between them and their parents a rope which holds them back from having any real fun and a friend of theirs who’s allowed candy and happily sucks on a blue lollipop in front of the others as if to say, “look what I’ve got that you haven’t”, is a little gallery with modern paintings and ceramics that wobble in the intentional way and signs that warn against violence in countries far away and at the very end in the corner is a little watercolor called “Apples”, which just arrived and will leave again soon, with a bunch of apples sitting in the frame in different stages of ripeness, probably MacIntire, and seeing it and all its fine little lines and spots of color and broad strokes and warmth makes it feel like cider season for just a moment.

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  • A Weary World

    A Weary World

    They must be so strong.

    “Knees are a tricky bit of business”, thought Nathan to himself as he straightened up. His creaking joints popped into place as he reached full height, and he wiped the sweat from his face with the back of his hand. Gray, tangled hair circled his sun-scarred cheeks and caressed his chin as he turned to look at his surroundings. His eyes, green and darkened by the overcast sky, darted around nervously. He let his gaze fall back to the object on the ground before him.

    A sorrowful set of eyes gazes at the viewer, with a nice bald dome above them (he's so bald)

    It lay there, haphazardly, as if having once been alive and vibrant, its life was suddenly snatched away and it crumpled where it stood. Sleek brown dusty fur ran along its length. Age had marred it, but a face was still perceptible enfolded in the heap, with two purple shadows where eyes had been and a thin crease for a mouth. Nathan’s eyes began to water. The scent it produced was unlike anything he had ever had the misfortunate of smelling, and was equally capable in its reach, as the coughing sound behind him proved.

    “I suppose dinner is cancelled”, said the small man who walked up to the stoic Nathan. He eyed the unmoving lump. “Gee…”, he whispered through a thick mustache. “If I’d known it was this bad, I would’ve brought a sandwich”. He reached his hand behind him and pulled a folded sheet of paper from his faded overalls. “This is no good to us now”, he whined as he handed it to his partner. Nathan, unaware that there had been anything “good to him” in the first place, unfolded it and glanced at the contents. The words “Sourdough bread recipe” ran across the top, and underneath a list of instructions followed. In the section labeled “ingredients”, only one item was listed: “sourdough starter”, accompanied by its picture. He looked past the page to the potent mess on the ground. “Ours doesn’t look anything like that!” he cried.

  • One Million Words

    One Million Words

    Today I read one million words.

    It was difficult to get started. When one has the task of a million words set before him, he must process the sheer effort and time that will be required of him before beginning.

    I never had much interest in reading that many words.

    Before this morning, I never would have considered it. After all, my regular daily tasks (sharpening of the pens, linking of the paperclips) would be neglected. But things in the life of an upper-class country gentleman always tend to shift unexpectedly.

    My new book

    Who am I

    You may be wondering what sort of man purposes to read so grand a total of words in such little time.

    Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

    Pride and Prejudice is a book about love. Love can take many forms. There is aguave love, the type that you feel for your pet goldfish. Then there’s avocado love, which is the love you feel for fresh avocados.


  • Apocalypse

    Apocalypse

    The second day begins.

    The big zombie knocked again. We all were so scared. She was the CFO of a large summer camp and every time she came to visit the office, it made us scared. I turned to the left. The zombie whiteboard started to speak, and it said: “Please do not erase”.

    Please

    do not eras’e.

    erase

    The apocalypse changed us all in different ways. Some adopted new names to reflect a new identity. My name, formally “Hot Gus”, became “Gus”. It took one look at me to know that I was no longer hot. That part of me was left behind. My left arm was left behind in the belly of the big zombie.

    The new big documentary.

    Some photographers walked in past the big zombie and asked if they could record the office for a documentary. It seemed like they should probably record the zombie apocalypse instead, but big zombie tends to get what she wants. I found the strength within myself to comply. As the crew set up, I considered whether or not I should have taken up a more photogenic career, such as open-sea fishing.

    The apocalypse is almost over

    I get to go home soon